that said - i never thought i'd have to lower my expectations to seriously low levels in my marriage.
i always thought my marriage would be an even case of give and take. that we would always love each other - casually exchanging the title of person that loves the other person more. And I guess it was that way - until it wasn't and now I can see just how broken it is.
Here is what expected in my marriage:
- to be a priority to my husband
- to be loved
- to be shown love
Right now this is what I have:
- the knowledge that I don't even rank in the top 5 of his priorities
- that he loves me but is not IN love with me
- that the occasional pat on the top of my head should be enough...thank you very much.
It's not enough. I'm not satisfied with that. but I'm also not completely unhappy.
and that my friends is my dilemma. because i feel guilty that i am the only one in my house that is unhappy. that to upset the balance of the house is selfish.
that i should just go along to get along. because really...what do i think is out there waiting for me if i leave my marriage?
prince charming ready to sweep me off my feet? not likely.
But I don't want Prince Charming. I don't need a knight on a white horse to right in and sweep me off my feet. I'm not asking for flowers and diamonds and huge romantic gestures. (although I wouldn't say no to any of those things)
i want to matter. i want to be thought of. i want to be a priority to my husband.
is that asking too much? is wanting my husband to be IN love with me a selfish request?
Have I set myself up for disappointment yet again? the feeling is familiar...
