this story begins when my husband of nearly 15 years told me - quite out of the blue - "I don't think I love you anymore and I don't want to be married"
my world fell apart. i was shattered and angry and hurt and mystified and scared.
I cried. I screamed. I begged and pleaded with him to change his mind. I broke into a million pieces. And I am still trying to put myself back together.
Over the past two years we have worked on fixing what was wrong in our marriage. we had kids. We had built a life together that was worth trying to save.
but it has been so hard. so many times i have wanted to throw in the towel. to give up and give in.
my go-to therapy has always been writing. I found solace in it. It gave me ways to work through my feelings and see things more clearly. For some reason - through this time - I have had the worst kind of writers block.
the kind where i need to write and nothing comes out. where i feel like i have so much to say but can't even find the words to start.
I feel like i have a muzzle on me. like the thoughts that I have about my life, my husband, my kids, my choices are too real and scary to put down in a permanent form.
But I can't let that fear stop me anymore. I need to be free to write what I am feeling.
And the reason i'm doing it on a public (albeit anonymous) blog?
because maybe someone out there will stumble upon it and find my words help them. That they can relate to the way I feel or what I am going through and find comfort in knowing they are not alone.
And with that...I write.
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