that's what today feels like. it's my 16th wedding anniversary. and given that we are reunited after a separation and supposed to be committed to fixing what we broke...you'd think the day would be marked somehow.
that was my intention. I had written a letter to him. bought him a card for the first time in 3 years. and even collected photos of us on each anniversary.
i wanted to remind him that what we had built together over the past 16 years was something to be celebrated. That despite the issues and the problems we should celebrate the fact that we didn't give up on our marriage. that our efforts were something to be proud of.
as usual...I set myself up for disappointment because he didn't even remember that it was our anniversary?
What's on Friday? he said. I think he's joking but he wasn't.
"I don't even know what the date is today." he says. "I didn't even think about it."
and that statement right there sums up all the problems between us. and i'm not even really mad at him. stupid, lazy, ignorant man.
i'm mad at me for letting myself hope. i'm mad at myself for having expectations.
because i should have known better.
And so here I sit...angry and hurt and sad...on a day that I always thought would mean something so different.
September 18 used to be my favourite.
Now...it's just another fucking day...
No comments:
Post a Comment